I really like your site and Greggman’s site. It really gives me an insight to real life in Japan. You guys have a lot of guts for posting your most intimate details on life in Japan. I commend both of you. I would love to post a blog about life in Okinawa but it is so small and somebody might know me and talk about me.

Thanks for adding to the discussion! You’re in a good place to comment, having lived in America for a while.

re: our house, I think it is a “wicked” design. Actually I believe it didn’t used to be that way, but a remodel some years ago pushed the two rooms far apart.

On the towel thing, I still don’t like the inconsistency of it all. I mean, those “dish towels” (eg. the non-toilet ones) are also used by my father-in-law as his “sweat rag” that he wraps around his neck while working outside. Yet they’re not separated out and labeled “Sweat rags. Don’t use for toilet or dishes.” This strikes me as equally “wack”?

Oh by the way, we do always sit in the same seat at dinner, but we don’t distinguish chawans. And yes, there’s a tissue box on the table, full of the give-away tissue packs all of us collect out on the street, but NO ONE uses them for wiping their mouth! (Including me, there’s something strange about using Kleenex to wipe your mouth at dinner. i use paper towels. Speaking of which, why do all the napkins in Japan have that waxy texture. I hate that!

oh well, we could go on and on….I now need to blog about something I love about Japan and can’t stand about America, don’t worry, there are plenty of choices….

* When dining, my family doesn’t use napkins of any sort. Granted, I think eating with chopsticks you get less food on your lips and mouth area, but not to use a napkin when slurping noodles or eating spaghetti with tomato sauce?
- In every house that I’ve been to, they have tissue boxes on the table, and instead of cloth napkins, they use tissue papers to wipe their mouth.

* Speaking of chopsticks, each member of the family has their own chopsticks, and these are never exchanged. Now I prefer using the same chopsticks because I’ve gotten used to their feel in my hand, but if someone else used them when I wasn’t home, it wouldn’t bother me one bit. But this is apparently a no-no. Why then isn’t the same standard applied to the forks and spoons we occasionally use, or to the plates and dishes as well?
- Because chopsticks are yours. And in my house there are chawan for individuals with different decorations (the cup you serve rice in). And, don’t you always sit in the same seat too? That’s just tradition, I guess.

* Because the toilet is in a completely separate room than the shower/bath/sink, in our house on the opposite side of the living room (in most Japanese homes the toilet is housed separately from the shower/bath), it’s a pain in the ass to have to traipse across the living room to wash my hands after doing my business. Granted, there is attached to our toilet some funky sink contraption that automatically spouts out freezing cold water for about minute once the toilet is flushed. But I refuse to use this, because one, it’s fucking cold, and two, I have this ingrained belief, perhaps from something my mother said long ago, that only with warm water does one truly clean oneself. Furthermore, there’s no soap!
- It’s probably your house is made wicked or something! Not all the houses are like that. In my Japanese opinion, toilet and bathtub SHOULD be separated. But nextdoors.

* Related to this, apparently there are certain towels in the clean towel cabinet that have been deemed only for use in the toilet, and I’m not allowed to use them otherwise. This again I just don’t understand, it’s not like these aren’t laundered the same as all the other towels (albeit in old recyled water and then hung out in polluted air with the rest of the laundry).
- It’s the cleaness of the Japanese. The thought of using the same towel to clean the dishes and to wipe your hands after using the toilet.. wack, that’s like not good.

* There are NEVER paper towels in public restrooms. Now, many of these have those hot-air blowers (and quite sophisticated ones at that) for drying hands, but many don’t, especially in office buildings. You’re supposed to just fling your hands dry, and use your pants, or, as Kiyo claims, use your handkerchief. This is the same handkerchief, mind you, that in summertime you’re using to wipe off the profuse sweat running down your face.
- Yes you’re supposed to bring your own handkerchieves. Children are educated like that in elementary schools. They had handkerchied/pocket tissue check every other day, and if you didn’t have it handy with you, you had to go the nursery room and get scolded by the teacher. I carry two handkerchives in the summer, one for wiping hands, one for wiping sweat (because I do archery and archery, you do outside in the burning heat. It will soak your handkerchief.)

* Oh, and speaking of handkerchief, these are not to be used for blowing your nose. This is fine with me, as I’ve always regarded the sight of American males sneezing into their hankies and then stuffing them back into their pocket with revulsion. However, it ISN’T fine with me for Japanese males (mainly) to sneeze into their hands and then with these same unwiped hands hold onto handrails or grab handles in trains. It’s a wonder I haven’t caught more colds here than I have.
- It freaked me out when I saw an old man blowing his nose into a handkerchief at first. I mean, your nose stuff is stuck, and when you want to blow it again, wouldn’t it be sooo dirty?? This is just ew. You blow in a tissue paper. That’s the rule.

I could go on and on, and likewise I’m sure many Japanese could comment blisteringly about confusing American values of cleanliness, or some other culture’s. To each their own, it’s what makes the world go around, as the old saw goes. However, I don’t think any culture can claim to occupy the hygienic high ground of “cleanliness-conscious”, because each culture’s mores of cleanliness are bound up in traditions, superstitions, religion, etcetera, and have evolved over many many years. One person’s clean is another person’s filth, and so it goes.
- Oh yeah. =)) I’m surprised by Lauren (my Canadian host sister) sleeping in bed with her CLOTHES that she wore during the day.

Well, sorry for going on and on. Love ya!

PS> The shoe thing urks me too (I’m forgetful!) but it’s the whole “When In Rome” scenerio, right?

You know, upon reflection I think that I too prefer the toilet and bathroom separate, but not too separate (eg. on the opposite ends of the house as it happens to be now!) I also treasure having a bath, but I regret not being able to suds up and have a bubble bath…to me, that is one of the luxuries in life (especially if I have a rubber ducky or floating boat to play with).

With respect to the shoes in the house, in the US most of the time I would never wear them inside either, but as a matter of comfort, not cleanliness. I spend most of my time at home in a tatami mat room, but unlike you M, I don’t view it as the same as a bed or sofa. To me, it’s just an extremely comfortable flooring material, more so than a carpet or rug…but not inviolable, or irreplaceable for that matter (lord knows I’ve spilt enough stuff on it as it is)? (On the other hand, like you I would be fairly aghast at someone standing on the bed or sofa in their shoes!)

Kiyo, thanks for your comments about respecting other cultures while also incorporating foreign views…it was in this spirit that I blogged on this and it’s great to have you pick up on that spirit and add to it.

What I found interesting and amusing is that concerning many of the “strange” things you point out, I sometimes feel the same way you do, not that unbearable though.

Still I prefer the bathtub and the toilet separate. I prefer to wash myself outside of the bathtub. Basically in the Japanese culture, the bathtub is where we feel relaxed. We keep the water in it unsoaped. The concept of “taking a bath” is different between the two cultures.

Also, I like to take off my shoes at home. I can’t feel really relaxed with my shoes on. Yeah, I’m Japanese. Sitting and lying on the floor freely and comfortably — that’s what I need in everyday life. Ms. Stevens’ view is insightful. Today’s young guys don’t seem to care a bit about sitting on the ground directly, though….

I think we need to respect the way other cultures go, at least at first. However strange their customs may look to our eyes, they may have their own meanings that work well for them and root in tradition. At the same time, we need foreign views to reflect on our customs and make them richer. Well said that “one person’s clean is another person’s filth.” It’s great to be able to exchange views frankly!

Kurt, I’m honored to be mentioned on your blog.

I would no more wear my shoes on tatami than I would put them on my bed or couch (although I know some guys who might do that, too). I think that because western floors are built on the ground (and originally were dirt or stone) we see them as an extension of the ground. But Japanese houses are raised platforms above the ground–like a bed. So taking off your shoes before you get into the house is like taking off your shoes before getting into bed.