Some questions answered about the birth

M commented on my previous post with some questions about the birth and hospital experience, the answers to which might interest others. And this is a good chance for me to record down some things as well, as I haven’t been keeping a diary of all this, so….

I’ve been very curious to know the reaction of your in-laws.

Naturally my mother- and father-in-law are very excited, as are my parents, who sadly could only experience the momentous event through phone calls. All three of us where there at the hospital on Monday. My father-in-law is generally very reserved and doesn’t say much, and this was true on Monday as well. It was obvious, however, that he was as worried about the operation as the rest of us were, pacing up and down the hospital corridors, and going outside periodically to smoke his cigarettes. My mother-in-law, by contrast, was the busy-bee she always is, talking with the nurses (she used to work at the same hospital), and other patients, and in general masking the anxiety she must have felt while we waited, first for news about the baby, and then about Naoko. I was at a disadvantage not being able to speak Japanese, and so news was first conveyed to my parents-in-law, and then trickled down to me. I feel a little resentment about this, as no one bothered to even confirm whether or not I could speak Japanese, and I was simply bypassed. Part of this is also due to my mother-in-law’s agressive nature. I, and my father-in-law as well, don’t feel comfortable pestering people with questions every other minute.

In the US, insurance companies will only pay for a one-day stay for a normal delivery and a three-day stay for a Caesarian (unless there are complications). How long will Naoko and Kaika stay in the hospital?

Naoko, if she maintains her current course of recovering, will be able to come home with Kaika next Wednesday, the 25th. So altogether, hospitalization will be right around 10 days. I don’t know the details of the insurance, but my understanding from Naoko is that most of this will be covered. Normally she would be in a room with 5 other patients, buy my mother-in-law offered to pay extra (not covered by insurance, in other words) to have Naoko in a two-person room. Since the day of the operation (Monday), we have been lucky that the other bed in the room has gone unoccupied, so in effect Naoko has been able to enjoy a private hospital room for the last 4 days. Generally, I believe hospital stays for normal births are around 4-5 days (from the time of giving birth), and c-section stays are 7-10 days. (This is off the top of my head. Naoko knows better, but alas she’s not here to ask!)

Most fathers are in the delivery room these days, so it seems odd that you said yesterday was the first time you held Kaika. Did Naoko have to go it alone?

If it had been a normal birth, then I would have been in the delivery room. But as it was a Caesarian birth, no one other than hospital staff is allowed in the operating room. As much as I would have wanted to be there to support Naoko, frankly I would have probably fainted had I been in there. I’m twinging even as I write this.

I don’t think I’ve been clear up to now, but this was a planned C-section birth. We decided on the date a couple of weeks ago, when it was clear that the baby wasn’t going to turn around from it’s breech position (sakago in Japanese). Of course sometimes the fetus does turn around “at the last minute,” but our doctor seemed fairly confident that it wouldn’t, and given the size of the baby at that time, we decided it would be prudent for Naoko to have the operation sooner than later. The 17th so happened to be the only available date this week. In the end, it was a good thing we didn’t decide to hold out for little Kaika to turn around, for as the doctor explained after the operation, Naoko’s uterus is heart-shaped, and this is why he settled into the position that he did.

So yes, Naoko had to go it alone, while the three of us waited downstairs. About 40 minutes after Naoko had been wheeled away to the operating room, the nurses came down with Kaika. Because only Naoko’s lower body had been anesthetized, the doctor was able to show her Kaika and tell her he was a boy, before he was brought downstairs. My first thoughts upon seeing Kaika were confused (naturally). He hadn’t been cleaned yet, and there were blood spots on the swaddling, and I didn’t know whether he was alive or not. I remember I kept saying “kenkou? kenkou?” (“healthy?”) and nobody was responding to me, they were all cooing over the baby (maybe it wasn’t the right word). And then I asked “onna no ko? otoko no ko?” (“girl? boy?”). Somebody said “otoko”, and then they took Kaika away to clean him. About 20 minutes later, we could look at Kaika through the glass.

For about 40 minutes there was no news (at least that I could understand) about Naoko, and it was hard to rejoice about the baby without knowing if Naoko was okay or not. Eventually the doctor came down and explained that she would be coming down momentarily and the worst of the worry was over. About 20 minutes later Naoko was brought down, and the sight of her on the hospital bed/gurney was too much for me and I broke down and cried.

And finally…what is the Japanese custom concerning circumcision?

It is not done as a matter of course here in Japan. Long ago, way before we even got married, Naoko and I had discussions about this very issue, she being opposed to it as a needless custom, that it indeed might be an unhealthy thing to do, and me in favor of it because, well, I suppose nothing stronger than a like father, like son argument. In the end I’ve come around to her way of thinking, and actually, until you brought it up, had not even thought about it this week.

UPDATE (March 21, 2003): I asked Naoko yesterday to fill in some of the details, when I visited her and Kaika yesterday. The hospitalization bill is going to run somewhere around 400,000 yen (roughly $3,350 US), about 80% of which will be covered by insurance. Naoko is covered by her father’s health insurance, not Japan’s National health insurance, but she says the national plan’s coverage for childbirth is about the same. She says the average stay in the hospital for a normal birth is 7 days (at this particular hospital). And my mother-in-law is paying 2,000 yen ($17 US) a day for Naoko to be in a double-room.